Never Bring a Moustache to a Beard Fight

Men don’t cry. They water their beards.

Stop! Do you have a beard? Have you paid your beard tax?

That’s right, you heard me. Your beard tax. You’re being taxed for having a beard.

Okay, calm down. There’s no such thing as a beard tax, obviously. But guess what – there used to be.

Men don’t cry. They water their beards.

In the 16th century, King Henry VIII introduced a beard tax for everyone with more than two weeks’ growth. And, interestingly, he himself had a beard. Hmm…

Russia introduced a beard tax in the 17th century. Once you paid it, you had to carry a ‘beard token’. Silver or copper, it had an eagle on one side and a man’s beard on the other, with the awesome inscription: “The beard is a superfluous burden.”

Yes, with great beard comes great responsibility.

Yes, with great beard comes great responsibility.

Did you know that men have been removing their facial hair for a ridiculously long time? Cave drawings from as early as 10,000 BC show men with bushy beards as well as clean-shaven faces. They supposedly used clams and shark teeth to remove the hair. Yikes.

You call it facial hair. I call it awesomeness escaping through my face.

You call it facial hair. I call it awesomeness escaping through my face.

Here’s a fast fact for the ladies: It was only in May of 1915 that hair-free underarms came into vogue. An image of a sleeveless dress appeared in Harper’s Bazaar, exposing a woman’s bare pits for the first time. Sales of razor blades skyrocketed as women conformed to this new societal norm.

Even winter coats and woolly garments don’t stop us from reaching for the razor.

Now, even winter coats and woolly garments – which magnificently hide such secrets – don’t stop us from reaching for the razor.

When a celebrity exposes a hint of hairiness, it’s front-page fanfare, simply due to its rarity.

Yes, girls, only ninety-nine years ago we could be as wild and woolly as we wanted. Of course, we were also cloaked in puffy petticoats and layers of linen. Not the best attire for Australia’s wonderfully warm summer months…

Smoothness has never been easier!

Well, you can forget the shark teeth and toss aside the clam shells. Technology has arrived, my friend. Shavers now offer all sorts of wonderful things for our skin. For men, Braun’s °CoolTec shaver actively minimises shaving rash with advanced cooling technology, for crying out loud!

There are endless options for women, too, like Braun’s Silk-épil SkinSpa 3-in-1 device which combines a shaver with an epilator and an exfoliator. Talk about convenience, wrapped up in one little product! Or there’s Remington’s cutting-edge ‘i-Light Pro’ hand-held device which offers the latest in IPL hair-reduction technology. Similar to laser, the word on the street is that IPL is way less painful.

But perhaps waxing is your method of choice? Try Elle’s Warm Wax Hair Remover. It’s incredibly easy to use, and means you can say goodbye to awkward ‘lie-back-and-stare-at-the-ceiling’ trips to the beautician.  

There are endless options for women...

Smoothness has never been easier.

Goodbye, woolly mammoth. Farewell, silky sasquatch. Our hair removal options are now wide and wonderful. 

Explore them all by clicking on these links:

Women’s Hair Removal

Men’s Shavers

Hair Clippers & Trimmers


4 thoughts on “Never Bring a Moustache to a Beard Fight

  1. I get fed up with woman tell men to shave, I have a beard, and it has taken decades for us to lose the, can’t be trusted vibe, or ugly dude, or freak…we are men and deserve respect , if we choose facial hair , so be it. Otherwise , woman all cut your hair short and Grow your armpit hair. I am over being judged for being a man.

    1. Hello! I am sorry that my article has upset you; however, perhaps you have misinterpreted my tone. I never meant to imply that I am anti-beard. In fact, I am very much pro-beard, viewing the beard as a symbol of wonder and joy and something to be groomed with pride. I actually referred to the beard as “awesomeness” escaping through a man’s face, and included several images of strapping young men sporting glorious bushels of facial hair. Please do not feel pressured to alter your beard as a result of my article. It was certainly not my intention to create beard-shame amongst readers, and I sincerely apologise if you feel as though I might have.

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